Stronger

2012-02-11T22:29:00.002+08:00

The only reason I could be so emo is the time. The time that I can never have. The time that will never want to come and knock on the door of my life when I need it the most. The time that will come when I don't want it anymore.

Expecting too much will never help. Putting hopes at the highest will never help too.

The time will always be jealous.
And please, this time, let me keep up with everything.

xx

You already have the best.

2012-02-04T17:03:00.002+08:00

Four weeks left. Finals is haunting me. Yeay zzz.

I thought this weekend won't be much fascinating like I always had.. But miracles do happen. And I couldn't be happier. Love this feeling I have. But feelings can fade, and I hope this time it won't.

"The advise you gave, is what you have to do too. That is how people are going to look up to you."

Running out of words.
xx

"We can make it through together. Distance is just a number." -Mal

2012-01-28T12:23:00.004+08:00

I tried, you know, to be much more understanding. I am still trying.

Tahan sebak. Sakit.
I thought I can do this. I thought by staying here over the weekend can make me stronger. I need to learn, my dear. We both need to. Yes, I know if possible, there's no way we want to learn how to stay away. But that time will come. I'm giving myself a week plus to get ready for the worst. But 'the worst' will happen for a year.

I cried myself to bed. Dah lama tak cakap macam ni. But this time the reason is different, obviously.
How could I pretend to feel so calm? How could I stay away from my comfort-zone, when there's a chance to be in the comfort-zone?

But I have promised myself a good weekend. I hope this time, staying away from home is worth it.

---
"A crucial week is coming."
-Madam Mimi

- BEL Comprehension and Writing Test.
- BEL Listening Test.
- BEL Speaking Test.
- CTU Test.
- MGT Quiz 2.

After going through all this, I'm gonna have three days off. Melaka tak ambil Cuti Sempena Thaipusam. I izz so sad!

xx

I am more to a thinker. Not really a talker.

2012-01-27T13:42:00.005+08:00

Some things just don't make sense. Will never make any fucking sense.

Hello babies! :)
The Statistics Class this evening is cancelled and I can't be happier right here right now. Currently chillin' out with Nani and Ainul. Ad and Auni macam biasa decided to go home while me, I'm trying so hard to be stronger than ever. I'm gonna stay here for the weekend, might going out with Laila her cousin tomorrow. So yeahh.. Can you hear I'm to that way, to adapt with my surrounding? Heh.

---
"Girls. They can either fall for the look, or the words thrown by guys."
-Mal (Midnight Phone Call, Jan. 27th 2012)

"I try to give you what you want, because I know you never had the chance to get what you always wanted for the whole last-year."
-Mal (Midnight Phone Call, Jan. 27th 2012)

There's this one night, he told me he'd rather see me crying, than see me feeling nothing at all. And now only I have the relevant idea why Lady Antebellum brought in the 'Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all' line into their first single.
Well yeah, at least if I tend to cry, it means I tend to care.

What I have with me now is enough. Enough to make me put the smile back on.

Like what All Time Low said, "Maybe it's not my weekend. But it's gonna be my year". And I will always keep that in mind. It's my year. Or maybe the following years also would be mine.

Words will never be enough. Wish I could type down more about my thoughts. But I guess this is not the right time. I need my nap time.

Tooooooooooooooooodles!

2012-01-23T21:55:00.002+08:00

It's not a conflict. It's not even a phenomena. But people like you make it sound like one.

Don't keep it. Let it all out. You might get hurt and another is the victim.
Don't let the another hold the grudge. Your life isn't wasted yet.

Glitters Glitters Glitters.
I keep on repeating this.

A year turned out to be A day. But I don't care. Everything is unpredictable.

2012-01-22T11:40:00.002+08:00

Morning sweethearts.
Didn't have a good sleep last night. Woke up every hour.. for nothing. My own bed is forever-comfy, but I think it was my mind that makes me losing my strength last night.
Aha no. I wasn't thinking about the shits I've through. No no, not again. I'm tired of doing that this whole time. I was just thinking of my life, what am I gonna be, what have I done to my life 'til I could see myself will always be at the bottom part.
Those who know me so well will always understand me. I am that kind of person who thinks at the worst, but fail to prepare for the worst (at times je lahh kan.. kot ehee).

---
I am back to the old days, where I feel close to somebody, very very close indeed. Oh no wait SCRATCH THAT! I am getting attached to somebody, too attached, indeed. Haa that would be the suitable words. Much more describable.
And I just don't know how to put it all into words. What and How I feel, how is it going, everything.. I just can't put it into words.. for now..

Frankly, I am way too scared this time.

I.. better get my work done by now.

Choices

2012-01-22T00:01:00.000+08:00

You don't joke around about hateness when the silent-hateness is obvious. Even if you do the joke, it's hurtful, really.

Sometimes, I admit, life is just as fair as it is. Aha I have finally realized yeay!
Why putting yourself in too much depression if you're refused to stop it? Well, we heard what they say "There's always a way." Then why wait, making yourself look like a fool, just like what you did to others?
We need to be selfish sometimes especially when people are acting all selfish right in front of our face. Pleasing everybody is actually not an option in life. Our necessities need to be fulfilled. We might not understand the things others have been through, but at least we can learn from their stupidity, from their illogical-statements. And others might not understand what we have been through too, obviously.
I'm tired actually of having frown(s) with me for years (for a lifetime, I believe). I don't say I have finally found the 'sunshine' of my life. But at least I could see how great I am after having a tough life of something that is not worth it at all. Mistakes is what we do, and learn from it by not repeating it again and again.

Why pulling shits in, when you can just push it away and pull the glitters back in?

Kali ni update untuk kasi motivasi dekat diri sendiri.

xx

Seeking the happiness isn't that hard after all

2012-01-17T21:44:00.003+08:00

Hello lovelies.

Another week in Lendu. I've got only one test this week. That would be ECO. Good luck, myself.

Okay. Just to let you know, there's this first time of mine that I finally had a weekend in Melaka. Blame KI. But but but...... it turned out to be a great weekend! The KI thingy was really fun. I did enjoy my time with the classmates. The activities, mostly made me laugh hard. And.. please be happy for me.. I finally went out to discover some parts of Melaka on the same weekend, right after KI. We decided to have a night in A Famosa. Saw a post about the 'trip' on Nani's blog. Haihh dah rindu dahh :') Wish we could stay longer in the hotel, having an auto car with us..

Can't wait for the four-days-off. I need my comfort zone.

2012-01-10T23:45:00.002+08:00

So many things on my mind.

Now I have another reason to stay strong. Thank you for your non-stop-support. Couldn't thank you more.

Too many Tests this week. A very stressful week, I must say. Good luck, myself.

xx

2012-01-02T03:25:00.003+08:00

And I'm here, having regrets all over me.. Just because I didn't post anything on the first day of 2012. Hmm *tears*

So.. Before I start, even if it's kinda late already, let me wish you lovelies Happy New Year :)

Was having a good time with four others last night. Have to say, the fireworks in Putrajaya sucks much. But yeah, it's not the fireworks that matter, it's the good time I had with them that matters.

Resolutions. We talk about New Resolutions each year and ended up, we still stare at the fan, waiting for something to happen in our life by just going with the flow, by just waiting for any fate to chase us. Yes, we never stand up anyway. What I'm trying to say, let's just put Resolutions aside. Let's just build what we need (have) to. Let's just achieve what we have to achieve.

Time goes by so fast. Nak time machine :(
It was last year on January, I was there with Sya at the playground on her birthday. I was the first one to see her turning 18. I was the one who gave her that long-tight-hug when she turned 18. I was the one who's with her, when she thought it's so romantic to hang out in the rain on the night when she turned 18.
And guess what? It was almost a year ago.
It was last year on February. I was there with Sya, Imman, and a bunch more, at Aman's house, surprising him on his 18th birthday. We were there when everyone talked about his missing-wallet. We were there when everyone was laughing at him for losing his IC, which he needed it for the JPJ Test on that tomorrow morning.
And guess what? It was almost a year ago.. too.
Don't make me recall every moment we had in 2011. Could almost cry.

And now, this year I mean, seeing ourselves turning (gonna turn) 19 makes us feel.. horrible, frankly. It's like.. it's gonna be our last year of having a life as a teenager. It's the last year of having the number 1 at the front of our age. Well, to see that 1 number at the front again, takkan nak tunggu sampai umur jadi 100 tahun kan.. Tah hidup ke tak masa tu. Ehee.

I have nothing much to talk about. Kinda tired today. And plus, it's 3++ in the morning. Should get my beauty sleep. This whole week has been a good week. And I'm here feeling all blue 'til I could get insomnia, begging the time to turn back, so that I don't have to go back to Lendu by tomorrow or even Tuesday morning.

Night muahh xx

31st of December 2011

2011-12-31T15:44:00.002+08:00

The last day of 2011.
So I guess by next year, we should be home already. Ngeh ngeh.

Will be by my friends' side tonight. Ho Yeah!

Have a good celebration, everybody. Much love!

xx

2011-12-25T01:04:00.002+08:00

I can't please everyone. This might sound a lil' bit selfish, but I'm tired of pleasing everyone 'til I forgot about myself. I need to please myself too.

This is my life. I have the right to my own life.

Sudah sudah lahh tu.

2011-12-20T23:47:00.003+08:00

Greetings.
Wow it's been a month, dusty-old-blog.

Living in a better life, I must say. I have proved to almost everyone that I'm now improved in every aspect. Syukur.

Second semester is tougher, obviously. Takde benda yang makin senang. Three reading subjects, including CTU. Mati kalau macam ni. Aha.
Well, and my life in this campus is getting better too. Remember when I say I needed time to get along with certain people? I think the time has come hihi. I finally manage to get along with most of them. The world isn't that bad after all. Cuma.. penyakit nak balik setiap minggu tu masih ada. Tu memang susah nak elak. I put my family first. And because of that, I can't stand being away from them for even a day. Orang tak faham. Tapi aku faham ehee.

Sekarang ni baru aku faham kenapa dulu semua orang yang tersayang semua cakap "Everything will be alright". It's not the matter of making somebody change in order to make you happy. But it's the matter of losing that somebody, and see yourself in a good condition after that (Stronger, in another word).
Well, life. You need to breakdown in the first few decades in order to get your sunshine for decades. Frankly, I'm not fully recovered. But I am to that way where I know I can use the mistakes I've made as the lesson to learn.

I'm so gonna get my beauty sleep by now since I don't really have any work to settle by tonight. Later, lovelies.

xx

2011-11-20T01:10:00.002+08:00

Leaving home for Melaka at eight in the morning.

Promises

2011-11-15T03:06:00.002+08:00

Another late-at-night, staring at this blank page.. I guess I will never know how to express what I feel with all those metaphors..

Gimme a year. Gimme at least a year.

I don't want more. I don't want less. I am quite selfish sometimes. But the thing is I'm worried about myself. Look at me. Look at what I've become. There's two sides of me. The good one and the bad one. Sometimes, I admit, I'm being a lil' weird. At times, I'll say Yes. At times, I'll say No. At times, I'll say I Don't Have Any Fucking Idea.

I just want to be there for myself whenever I need my own strength. I just want to really love myself. I want to make people see me as the one that can do anything by her own, without pulling in any negative shit.

Why, when it comes to me, everything would be so fast 'til in the end, I'm the one who regret everything? Why? Why I have to be such a grown up to care much about my life, about my surroundings, about the emotions I should control?

So fast. And please, let me be in my own world for a while. I keep on hating myself all this while, as you can see. Just let me go through everything with me by my side, telling myself I'm gonna be okay, telling myself I have no one that I can really rely on.
For the past few days, without noticing, maybe I'm the one who started that ~~shit~~ thing. And now I really don't know how to turn back. Yes, here we go again. I want.. to be alone. For a while je, tak lama.

I'm not tired. I'm half-happy.. soon to be fully-happy. In order to be fully-happy, there's way too many things I have to go through.

So yeah. Night xx

To forget a person is way too easy. But to forget the memories we had with that person, I'd rather die, seriously.

2011-11-11T00:13:00.005+08:00

Ceh. Konon aku ni speechless habis sampai tak reti nak update both of my blogs. 'Konon' tu tolong highlight ya, ladies and gentlemen.

Yes, one of the reasons I'm updating my blog right now, at this time is to wish all of you a Happy 11.11.11. Have a good day. Don't waste it just like that. Go and talk to your neighbours if you really have nothing to do. I blame myself for not doing that for the past few weeks :( Now my Semester Break has only a week (more or less) left.. Shit.

Mengaku lahh kan, aku dulu macam duduk dalam kotak. Sebaik baik orang, aku rasa aku lahh yang paling jahat sekali. Since that one 'FINE' day, I decided to get outside the box. Banyak sangat benda aku belajar. Itu pun aku baru dengar, belum lalui. Mungkin aku ni sebaik baik orang juga. MUNGKIN.

I've got distracted since that day. I am now trying to stick to myself, advice myself, have more time for myself, you know, like doing what I love to do. When I was chained, I could see there's way too many things I had avoided. Well, actually, I didn't do much things for the past few days, but being with amazing people everyfuckingday makes my life goes on. Alive! WIN BIG TIME, I supposed? :D

Memang dah tak ada benda serupa tahi aku nak cakap. Sebab pada hari itu memang dah dianggap semuanya dah selesai. Masalah pun lenyap. Jadi kalau ada apa apa yang kacau keadaan 'bahagia' aku yang aku ada sekarang ni, memang sangat lahh bodoh. Tengok pada fizikal, mental, hati. Dan seterusnya fikir lahh elok elok. Kenapa nak kena buat benda yang boleh buat orang salah sangka? Kenapa kena buat benda yang boleh menimbulkan rasa benci? Memang semua tu diperlukan dalam kehidupan seharian kau? Well, you should listen to mine BUT I'm just too matured enough to bring everything up by now. I'm just too matured enough to say it's only that-side's fault. Dah sampai garisan penamat bukan? So let it be. Jangan tingkatkan lagi kebodohan.

Sleep tight, lovelies xx

November 6th 2011. I have lost you.

2011-11-07T01:21:00.005+08:00

Nope. Still not in my dreamland.

I am that girl, acting all bitchy at times.
I am that girl, never feel enough about everything.
I am that girl, hoping and expecting at the highest.
I am that girl, will not feel good if I don't get what I want.
I am that girl, letting everything out on my social networks when I don't get much attention.
I am that girl, that even me, myself, would never have enough words to explain who the hell am I.

I'm young. Too young. And I take everything seriously because I thought I'm such a grown up now.

It must be really sad knowing I'm losing the other part of me.
It must be really hard when I used to answer "YES", "ADA" and now I have to change those answers to "NO", "TAKDE".

It ends. No more him in my life.
Thank you for everything.
Do me a favor (even if I'm nothing to you now). Please don't hate me.
Forgive me for being such an ass. Forgive me for everything.
I am sorry. I really am.

So now I guess I'll be hating 'distance' even more.

Blurry vision again.
Night.

I've been spending my time by swimming in the ocean to find the way out.

2011-11-04T19:17:00.006+08:00

Hi lovelies.

It's the 4th of November. Based on the 'calculation', it's The Result Day *clap*

All I ever wanted is to make my parents proud of me. We are all praying for ourselves, for the ones we love. Some turned out to be just okay, some turned out to be real bad.
I've been trying to stand by own in the past four months. The whole four-months wasn't good enough, for me. Like I said, I didn't manage to get along with certain people. I am more to myself. I am much much much more comfortable with my girlfriends from the other room. I didn't pay much attention on my studies, or even anything that has to do with it (and the college-matter as well..).
Whatever it is, I'm gonna try to get along with everything starting this November. I have two weeks more to spend everyfuckingthing at home, at this place where I think should belong from the beginning. After the two-week period, I really wanna try having a good life in Melaka, even if I know I still don't own a car to drive all the way there. So that means, weekends will still be spent by jom-ke-bandar-naik-bas (Aku pernah buat sekali je sepanjang empat bulan dekat sana sebab rasa macam baik balik rumah pergi Curve/OU dari pergi JJ/MP). But I still believe, this words will remain as words 'til the end. Aku takkan buat pun. Siapa nak bet? Aha.

Ok back to the 'result', it turned out to be.. good. Untuk sesiapa yang genius tu maybe dia akan cakap result aku 'biasa je' instead of 'good'. Aha. But I am not a genius. So for me, my result is.. good. More than what I've expected. Syukur Alhamdulillah. I've made that far. I have five more semesters to go. In that five semesters, well, macam boleh tahu yang banyak benda boleh berlaku. Life is a wheel, aite?
I hope I've made my parents proud of me. I know they think I could've done better. At least I'm kinda proud of myself. I just want my parents to feel the same.

Congratulations, everyone. Great job! (Y)

November, well, HELLO!

2011-11-01T18:08:00.003+08:00

Well, I'm just like everybody else. One of the reasons I'm here is to wish everyone Happy 1.11.11. Senyum sikit, yu olls.
Damn I just realized it's too late to say "Have a good day. It's 6 in the evening, what am I thinking? -.-

So this is the 4th week of Semester Break. Yeap, nothing much, just sitting home most of the time, hoping, expecting, and the worst of all, dying.
Yang lagi buat nak mati, Jumaat ni result.
Tapi semua ni tak perlu nak di-mention-kan dekat sini. Sebab semua orang pasti boleh buat calculation sendiri. Setakat nak bagi nampak aku update panjang sikit kali ni. Aha.

Okay. I am making this one countdown. The.. most.. important one, I guess? Truthfully, to make a countdown on that one particular thing is actually scary, well at least to me. Too many reasons for that..
Kita ni kadang kadang bajet dah tahu hati dan perasaan masing masing. Bajet dah senang dengan perangai masing masing. Bajet dah malas nak deal dengan benda yang kita tak suka. Bajet dah biasa dengan kebodohan masing masing. Bajet boleh hidup dengan pura pura sampai akhir waktu. Bajet amalan sindir menyindir serta sentap dapat memulihkan keadaan dan boleh mengubah persepsi seseorang terhadap dirinya sendiri.
Masalahnya di sini, masing masing perngecut nak bagitahu perkara sebenar. Masing masing mengada simpan dalam hati, sedalam dalamnya. Masing masing (atau salah seorang daripadanya) sanggup menangis setiap malam sebab terguris hati.
If we didn't bring up some things that bother us, nothing will get better. What I know, I have done my part, walaupun tak banyak mana.
Jangan libatkan Malas. Kalau Malas tu ada, sampai keakhirnya pun bila berdepan, bajet happy.

Another month of November. I keep on hoping things will get better, but I know I won't get any.

xx

2011-10-24T22:12:00.004+08:00

Hi.

The third week of Semester Break. Nothing much, just chillin' out at home and hang out at the same place(s) all over again. And I'm back to being-hungry-all-the-time. This is home. Home is where I get my good-food at (Y)

Sooo.. results will be coming out on the 4th November. I couldn't be more worried. Frankly, I didn't do that well.
Okayy enough about that.

"Lia kena biasakan hidup takde dia."
Nani and Ad had taught me a lot.
---
Well, I know how is it like when you have to make a last-minute preparation for something big. I've been through that life. I hope when I'm not around, and at the same time you're busy with everything, you'll look everywhere and cry because everything reminds you of me. Maaaaaan, two to three weeks, I can't stand it. But yes, I'm gonna prove you I'll be perfectly fine (Well 'outside' at least). Good luck. Make everything worth it. *

I really am not in the mood to blog. Been planning to let everything out here since the day after my last post, but nothing seems to come out. Well yeah maybe next time.
xx

2011-10-19T01:00:00.004+08:00

Greetings.

I've been staring at this blank page for.. almost an hour. Not just staring, but also backspacing the words I've been typing.

"You think I'm happy because there are so many emotions I choose not to show."
-(Via Tumblr)

I can only see what I've done for him. And I'm just too blind to see what he had done for me.

Can't say much. If only I can make a copy of my own heart, I would make it as the header of this blog. Tak payah nak update lagi.

Goodnight.

2011-10-10T17:57:00.003+08:00

*Dust all over my blog*
Oh nooooo!

Sorry sombong sekejap mentang mentang dah habis Finals hihi :)

Hoping this one-month-plus-off would be so worth it. I don't have to worry about my studies anymore.

This ain't funny

2011-10-01T17:33:00.002+08:00

Shout out to October.
Shout out to Wake Me Up When September ends.
Shout out to FAR and AIS Final Paper. (BOO!)
Shout out to Semester Break. Weehoo!

Having too much of depression right here right now, no kid. I've tried so hard to open up the book and try out every problems they wanted me to solve, FAILED! Almost giving up. Almost ok. Almost.

This is not me. I don't easily fall like this. I wanna be young again.

2011-09-28T13:16:00.004+08:00

But if you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.
Greetings.

I could see myself alive since yesterday. Thank you. I appreciate every time, wide-smile, non-stop laugh you tend to spend with me. I could feel the difference yesterday.. after quite a long time. Ya Allah, finally :)

Will be leaving home after the 10-days-off at six. Counting the hours to Friday. Well, more to 'Counting the hours to next Thursday'. Hihi.

Nothing much.
xx

2011-09-26T00:33:00.003+08:00

Bila lama tak dengar cerita dia, suara dia, apa tah lagi nak tengok muka dia, bila dapat phone call tu, memang rasa macam.. ISHH DUNIA AKU YANG PUNYA! Walaupun Sorry yang dia cakap nak dekat lima kali tu tak rupa Sorry pun. Hati aku dah cair sangat. Terima je lahh Sorry dia tu.

Even now, after having tak-sampai-setengah-jam-on-the-phone, I miss him already. I don't know how exactly to put up the words, but I miss him way too much this time. It's like I'm gonna lose him in this short time. It's like things will get worse and I will never have any chance to turn back. Ya Allah. Screw this feelings I have!

Sometimes I wonder what would it be like to be him. Does he even bother to care if something is going to hit me while I'm on my way to Melaka from home, or from home to Melaka? Does everything reminds him of me? Is there a lil' bit of me in everything that surrounded him? Did he cry himself to sleep thinking of me? Did he even miss me? Did he ever have hard times to sleep knowing I'm not well? Did he tell all his friends "Maaaan. I miss her!" like I did? Is hearing my voice make him feel secured much? Did he ever wait for me? Did he talk to himself about us?
And of course, I never have "YES" to the questions.

Jap lahh chill jap. Layan ni sikit.

I just need some things for this Tuesday. The Girl Power, the Strength, the Full-Tank Guts, and anything that has to do with those. All my life, I thought I cannot do things I always wanted to. I want it now. I don't care.

And pray for yourself, Azalia. You have suddenly lost your interest on being hardworking to achieve your goals. Two days off the books? That's just.. *sigh*

Things changed. People change. And I can't keep up.
Me, pathetic. Done.

2011-09-23T16:07:00.002+08:00

If you can run your day normally when knowing someone you love the most is angry at you, you are one lil' meaner.

If I can wait for days, IN PATIENCE, why can't you do the same when I made you wait for me for an hour? An hour is like a minute to me when it comes to 'waiting for you'.
Selfish much.

Giving up.

2011-09-23T01:40:00.003+08:00

To even go down and grab my laptop.. hmm I'm too fat to move. Aha.

Finally :')

2011-09-21T20:27:00.002+08:00

Give two examples of distraction-medium.
Television and Internet.

So I decided to drive all the way to McD, at first I thought of just having something from there but it turned out to be lunch-plus-study @ McD. A.L.O.N.E. Haa kan dahh. Rindu sangat study dengan diorang dekat situ.
Balik rumah pun Forever Alone -.- Friends didn't come home, boyfriend's away (missing).

Business Math rules the whole me today. But still, you still there running back and forth in my head. Can you please gimme at least a minute? Don't run. Get away from my head. I have a lot to focus on.
Haa nampak tak kita tunjuk awak yang kita terlalu sayang dekat awak. Nak kita tunjuk lagi ke? Ni dah cukup public ni. Zzzz.

Three pointer pun tak lepas ni. Jangan harap lahh nak cakap DL boleh pegang..

Don't make me say it again.

2011-09-20T20:35:00.004+08:00

Home.

Yes, the Finals is still running. Done with two papers, BEL and CTU. Since I have the 10-days-gap with me, I need to focus on another three. Another three killing papers. I hope I can burn the midnight oil, and wake up early.. I'm lost when it comes to those three subjects, no kid. I think I might be the last one to catch up all the syllabus.

Tup Tap Tup Tap, I'm about to finish my First Semester. FTW :D

*I am no longer matter to anyone. And even if I'm gone, no one's gonna give a damn.

Ohh wait. I forgot my swag.

2011-09-15T14:39:00.004+08:00

Eh. Macam ni lahh nampaknya bila dah duduk rumah, dapat pulak Internet Connection yang laju bagai Azalia kena kejar kucing. Terasa nak New Post, New Post, New Post walaupun tak ada benda nak diluahkan. Ada pun tak reti nak menyusun ayat sebab benda tu antara Azalia dengan hati dan fikiran dia je. Hihi :)

Jap jap. Apa dia? Jealousy kills?
Yes, it might kill anything or anybody or whatever but think of it, dude. She has her point. She loves you. How if one day she tend to stop feeling that way? I mean, stop having jealousy all over her? Maknanya dia dah tak sayang kau. Faham tak? Kalau faham, bagus. Kalau tak faham, amik pistol letak dekat dahi awak tu. Tembak!
If you cannot even appreciate a thing, you don't deserve a thing. You might not crawl to ask for forgiveness, or even crawl to chase her back, but, in the end, you'll be lost. No one wants to help you in anything. NO ONE.

Aha Life, Sayang. Life.

You chose that way, you live that way. Don't make others suffer.

I am at a point where I feel loneliness takes over the whole me, it's like I'm losing faith in everything. *sigh* I don't know how you can live like this. I could see myself dying (Ok tu macam dah teruk sangat pulak but I don't have any words to replace that 'dying' word for now).

If everyone thinks I don't appreciate every single thing I have, then I have to stand up to show that you guys are totally wrong. Tak baik kalau nak ungkit apa yang kita dah buat. Tak baik. But if once I have to, I will. So please please please don't make me ungkit anything. Let's recall for what we've done for everyone before you throw words at me and make me ungkit.

Once you pull in a very special person into your life, you have to make that person feels you are worth a thousand million miles.
Just saying.

You are one lil' meaner.

Dah dapat, buang ya?

2011-09-14T17:35:00.002+08:00

I think too much about him last night and that had made me woke up at 1 p.m. today ok. Aha. And so.. the feeling of 'Oh mii goddd. I miss him way too much macam mana niii?' was dragged until 10 minutes ago since I realized that baby Nani updated her blog. So what I can conclude here is she has just made my day. Hihi ♥

I was staring at this 'New Post' page for quite a long time. Trying to type out something with Bahasa Ganu or even Bahasa Kuantan macam Nani dengan Ad selalu cakap.. But.. it's not working. Haha. The only words of those bahasa that I got in my mind: Hok tu, hok ni. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ok that even made my day better!

What else could it be

2011-09-13T18:32:00.003+08:00

Do you know how does it feel like to miss everything you used to have?

I used to have my friends by my side all the time. Even if we need each other in the middle of the night, we can still call them to come down. But now, what to do. To even call them and talk to them on the phone can make me feel worried much. They are from different courses and they might have so little time for so much thing that they have got to do. So they burn the midnight oil by preparing for Tests, Quizzes, Assignments, all those things. No more burning the midnight oil to talk on the phone.
How after-school life jealous us, friends. *sigh*

Somebody used to ask me "How's your day?", "How are you feeling today?", "Get any better today?", "Miss me?", "Have you take your medicine yet? 'Cause if you haven't, I'll be worried."
And he used to say "I'm waiting for you to fall asleep first.", "I'm glad to meet you just now and I miss you already.", "Take care of yourself when you leave for Melaka soon.", "I'll call you and be with you everyday even if you're far away.", "Don't worry. I'm by yourside."
And.. I.. I just hope, those questions and words won't die even if.. I.. feel like I never heard of those anymore..

Where should I hold on? Where should I stand now? I don't even know.

I have long way more to go. Don't do this to me. Don't make me weak.

If I were to ask you to spend a day with me, would you gimme the damn 'a day'?

2011-09-13T00:57:00.004+08:00

Currently wearing a smile, a very slight smile, that makes me look happy but my tears are running at the back of my eyes instead of following the front road.

I thought I could stop blogging about.. you know exactly what is it about. But I guess I am now on my way to re-start it. I wasn't stronger. I wasn't even strong. I was pretend to show everyone that I'm strong enough so that I could have everyone's good impression. THIS, Nani really understand this. So much love for her ♥ She's right behind my back, I know that.

And ok sekarang aku nak re-start balik. Heh.

I feel like.. I am no longer me. I used to smile without having anything to hide inside this lil' heart I have.

Even if we, the girls, are overreacted, at least we do it for the necessary issues. We didn't bring it up for nothing. And not like the other side tu kan, yang rather do unnecessary things than putting necessary things at the first line kaaaaan. Small things might hurt us. But yes, again, at least, the small things are way too logic for us o feel hurt. Bukan saja saja nak mengada nangis nangis sakit tergarit terguris hati.

And one more thing, the only reason we let everything out to the place that's too public is because whenever we want to let it all out to you, you never give us consideration, and plus you can yell at us and wanting to see yourself win. And you've won by having answers to YOUR mistakes. I can't even.. Like you know.. What the heck maaaan? Speechless habis ahh. Mana aci dohh. Seriously, so unfair!

Apa guna kalau boleh hold on tight kalau diri sendiri rasa dahan nak patah? Lagi sakit tengok hati sendiri patah. Hati orang boleh pulak aku jaga. Hati sendiri tak reti. Hidup sendiri susah. Kan daaaaahhh..

Apa lahh sangat yang aku dah hampakan kau? Apa sangat?

Prepare for the worst, Azalia. Just be prepared.

2011-09-11T15:17:00.002+08:00

Have you lost your interest on something that you used to think it's worth dying for? If you do, why don't you leave. Don't make 'it' suffer having you by its side with all your fake love.

Or else, with all your care-less, it will leave you first. Ohh wait, is that what you want? If so, fasten your seat-belt then.
Why is it so hard to be nice around the people you love?

Life.

Gonna lose

2011-09-10T02:24:00.002+08:00

Nine days left. Nine days to the Finals.
And obviously, I never know how to take it seriously.

How time flies. Without noticing, I'm involving myself with something that I can't afford to lose for quite a long time.
When is this "Once In, Never Leave" gonna change to "Will Never Get Involved"?

And I thought I have stopped myself from expecting things at the highest, I even stop expecting at the medium.
So, doesn't that mean everything must be ok by now? No? Yes? No? Yes? No?

If I were to need few months to be idle, who would come and cry "I miss you"? I bet, nobody.

THIS IS HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW. UNEXPLAINABLE WINK

2011-09-08T20:49:00.003+08:00

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Cough

2011-09-04T00:36:00.003+08:00

Awal awal September macam ni dah asik rasa moody all the time. Banyak fikir bukan bukan. Asik jadi judgmental without even minding any words before judging..
Lepas tu sakitnyaa alahaii perut ni. Tambah lagi dengan berat naik secara mendadak setelah berjaya turunkan tiga kilogram sebelum Raya. Lemah badan semua. Penat physically & mentally. Tak lupa juga keperitan Final Exam dah boleh rasa since I am always that last-minute person. Mula pulak terfikir pasal Simulation FAR yang tak settle lagi and by hook or by crook kena jugak hantar this week tak boleh nak tangguh dah ni minggu last of class. Assignment, presentation pun aku sendiri tak tahu dah settle habis ke belum. Paling sakit, paling penting, paling gempak wa cakap lu, aku bukan lahh pelajar yang berdedikasi pun nak fikir studyyyy je, nak fikir assignmeeeent je. Aku manusia biasa yang tak puas lagi nak enjoy, everything I get, I'll never feel enough (according to somebody..)

Where else should I stand?

2011-09-02T17:09:00.004+08:00

My heart sinks pretty deep each and everytime I have to recall about everyshits that I took into my life. Even if it's you who brought the shits in, I will still blame myself for not having any relevant thoughts to avoid them.

What on earth can make everything feel so weightless?

I have no reason to be mad anymore. And that's just unfair. Unfair much. It's like you have the answer to everything, every mistakes that YOU do.

Semua benda yang masuk akal, kau tak buat. Yang tak masuk akal, kau buat. Panas.

I know I can't set my hopes too high, because every Hello ends with a Goodbye. But I never fail to try harder and put my hopes at the highest. Because I believe, no matter how hard I try, I will get what I always dream of.

But.. things change. And my hopes are still hopes, never change like everything does. Ya Allah *tears*

Nak happy tak happy happy

2011-09-01T17:20:00.002+08:00

Hello lovelies ♥ It's the third day of Raya so don't think so it's too late to wish Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir & Batin. Tak Semestinya Raya Je Kena Minta Maaf Bagai Nak Rak Sampai Menangis Macam Drama Melayu Petang Petang. Ohh lagi satu, Mungkin Tak Perlu Nak Datang Minta Maaf Kalau Sebabnya Setakat "Hari Raya". Tu dah macam bukan Minta Maaf je. Tu dah macam Aku Tak Nak Hilang Pahala Time Raya Dohh -.-
Raya kita tak best sebab kita ada Final Exam lebih kurang dua minggu lepas Cuti Raya ahaa FML.

Loose: Not firmly or tightly fixed in place. (Via Google)
Everything that has to do with feelings, I want it to loose right away. And the only problem I have, as I try harder, I'll fall deep inside. Makan diri sendiri. Hidup sendiri pun hancur. SubhanAllah.

I have no place to feel comfort at. I just don't have one anymore. Anymore. Every place gives me incurable pain. And at some place I thought I could be high most of the time, give me insults. I shouldn't have involved with anything. I should have known that I have to let everything go with the flow. I'm too young. I know it's not to late but.. I could feel.. that.. it's already too late..

For some reason, I wanna go far away, need to take a holiday. Need some time to be with my own damn self. Place my heart back to the right place. I never been strong. Never in my life I could see myself strong enough to fight with everything or even anything.

Sakit otak.

If everything has the end, then maybe we have to get ready by now.

2011-08-25T00:50:00.003+08:00

Tahu tak aku ni kan macam tengah hancurkan hidup sendiri.

No. No, I won't let everything out again. I'd rather let this blog covered with dust.

Don't mess with us, the superwomen

2011-08-21T22:28:00.006+08:00

Hello everyone *hugs*

Wow. See. Told ya. If I keep on hiding my feelings, my blog is gonna be dusty. Dangerously. Heh. K enough. Jangan ungkit.

Before it's too late,
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY, ASHRAF ♥

And this picture above explain much about how sorry I am. If I could be with you for each and everyday, I'd stare at your eyes to make you forgive me.

Ohh kayy. what to talk about actually ni..
I am quite having a busy life right now. Nak dekat akhir semester memang semua benda dah jadi kabut. Too much of work to do, have to force myself study all the time. And yes, my sleeping schedule is such a mess since the past few weeks. Have to take a lil' time to see the vision after Raya lahh camni. Haihh.

So far, during this Ramadhan, most of the weekends I spent with my family, my home. K fine, setiap weekend sebenarnya. Haha. Seriously maaaaan. Ramadhan makes ones feel much more lonely, sayu malam malam tuu macam drama Melayu petang petang.

I have quiz on AIS tomorrow. Need to refresh everything up. Gonna start do the re-reading right now. C'mon, Azalia!

Ahaa k I miss my girls dammit don't wanna talk about this tears almost fall.

2011-08-14T13:34:00.002+08:00

Bas ke UiTM Lendu akan bertolak pada pukul 6 petang nanti, terima kasih.

Couldn't put these words properly

2011-08-14T01:23:00.003+08:00

It's been so long..

Ohh yelahh. Dulu kan aii cakap blog ni dah macam blog emo. Isi hati yang panas semua luahkan dekat sini, yang sejuk tak nak pulak diluahkan nyaa punn. Tu pun kalau yu ollz ingat lahh. Aii dah tak kuat nak simpan semua update tu. Aii malassss.
Walaupun ada sisa lagi, aii tetap nak make this blog clean. Aii nak happy. Aii nak hidup macam biasa. Aii nak hidup lama datang kembali, tapi mustahil pulak kan so apa kata aii duduk diam je..
Mungkin benda ni aii cakap je semata mata. Tengok tengok emo jugak one day dekat sini.. LALALALA.

Home. The best place to be. The safest place ever. Glad to be home :')
I miss how I used to sleep after Sahur almost every night doing nothing. This Ramadhan, no time for that. I need more rest, I can't waste my time just like that. Dah nak dekat akhir semester ni memang sakit otak. Eh speaking about that, I didn't even study for my FAR 100 Quiz 2 yet! Adjustment & Depreciation. DEPRECIATION! Ohh maaan I'm so dead!

On pressure. Everytime anyone throw your name in the air, coming through my ears, the pressure could be lesser and worse at the same time.

Time. I need Time.
Time to finish all the work I have.
Time to study, at least gimme a year!
Time to have the whole damn 'a day' to sit and talk and settle everything up.
Time to rest myself.
Time to have tonnes of love from my loves.
The most needed Time: Time that can be paused & rewind. And maybe forward too.. only for certain cases.

*sigh* Bedtime. Goodnight yall. Have a pleasant sleep. Let this Ramadhan colours you with happiness and Allah's bless.

Ya Allah. Let my everyday go ease. Amin.
Lotsa Love xx

We are at highhhh

2011-08-06T21:02:00.004+08:00

Ahh so good to be home. My thoughts are wordless. Esok dah kena balik Lendu. Jom join nangis, nak?

2011-08-06T18:04:00.001+08:00

STOP LAHH DENGAN "UNTUNG LAHH". DAH TAK COMEL PUN.

No matter how, I know I can be stronger than this :)

2011-08-06T01:10:00.002+08:00

Have too many things to catch up, to done with, to settle during this whole fasting month.
I have to learn how to accept everything. I wanna chase what I supposed to have. Supports are needed indeed.

Have a great month, loves. Don't let your heart breaks. We still have tons of smiles to wear. Begin with a smile from ear to ear :)
Much love xx

I hope you would see my face, and remember that it isn't over, and I want you to scream out in front of me if it's me who'd caused everything wrong.

2011-08-05T00:04:00.007+08:00

I don't know how to judge anything by now. All I know I wanna be happy, I want to live my life. For few days, I have tried to put everything behind. Nak kata dah berjaya, memang dah. Tapi tak nak jadi riak.

Benda buruk kita bawak jauuuuuh ke belakang. Kita ada jalan dekat depan ni. Teruskan berjalan. Buka mata besar besar. Jangan sesat, jangan jatuh lagi sampai sakit.

K dah.

What I know, I'm going to hug my mum tomorrow. Yeay :')

I'M DONE. LET'S START ALL OVER AGAIN.

2011-08-04T17:58:00.002+08:00

Deleted everything. I wanna be happy. I wanna put every single shit aside.

Good luck, self.